Sunday, 16 December 2007

Myspace Archive - So Much For the Bright Shiny Future

I orginally posted 'On Breakups' Instead of this. Hopefully enough time has passed now for this not to come back and hit me in the face. I just think it's interesting to read back.

Okay, the title isn't totally correct, the future is still looking pretty positive (I'm on my way to getting a good degree, and I have a realtaively well formed employment plan). Its the present and immidate past that aren't/haven't been going so well. My relationship ended, I want to describe what happened, but I'm finding it hard to keep the balance in respect of privacy. Yet again my ex has no such respect and alot of stuff has been writen about me, which I'm not happy about. I could bitch about him as much as I wanted, he's deleted me as a friend and therefore can't read this (unless I decide to switch my profile back to public, I changed it to just friends a while ago because i was applying for jobs). Anyway I'm not going to bitch about him (too much), I'm more mature than that, despite what he has been saying about me. So this might not make alot of sense if you don't know what happened. Though it was him that said the words, or rather text them! It was down to me that the relationship ended, I was going through a tough time, trying to sort various aspects of my life out, and I was putting my uni work and friends over him. I don't really know what happend, I did really like him but my feelings started to change, I thought it was just me, and I tried to make it work, I didn't try that hard to be honest though (an anonymous person, thinks that was a crazy thing to do considering how good looking he was). I guess we just weren't suited, not for me anyway, he unfortunately was in love. I did feel very bad about it for a while, until something happened where I showed a good deal of kindness and trust towards him, which he then completely abused. Yes I had done something similar to him, but it was a very different situation. Anyway he found out some stuff he didn't like and now everything is turned around so I'm the bad guy (a selfish, self-obssessed, immature, nasty, bitch if we wnat to be acurate) from his point of view. from mine hes the bad guy. I think it makes it alot easier to get over someone of you find a reason to hate them. I've certainly done it before, it seems easier untill the hate fades when you've really had time to think about what happened, and then you realise you're not really over them at all. Hate means you still care about them, theres still a connection, indifference is he worse thing you can feel for someone. I do feel bad about the whole thing, its a nasty situation. I'm trying not to lash out like he has, its hard, I have bitched to my friends, sometimes you need to. I'm really holding back here, if I really let go, it would be a complete rant and incredibily biased! Neither of us acted in the best way, but then its often messy and complicated when a realtionship ends, especially if one person gets more hurt than another. I know hes hurt and that why hes lashing out, I don't think it much excuse though, immature if you ask me, which would be the very thing he accussed me of (okay that was a tiny rant). I guess you just have to move on and learn from it, I think I've learned more about the sort of person I get on with in the long term. But then I doubt that rationally will come through next time I feel that inital attraction to someone. Perhaps I should get them to answer a questionnaire or something. I not looking for a realtionship right now though, probably not till I leave uni, need to spend some time enjoying being single while I'm still young, and dedicate more time to my work. But then... plans change...

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